Tripping over a stick.

How many times in our lives do we create things without understanding the cause or effect of it? Unknowingly, we are called out on it but defensively we justify our actions, not knowing the real revelation. Have you just gone on about your daily routine, just doing what you think is normal productivity, causing no harm or danger to anyone. Just thinking this is your usual way of life. No one is telling you that you’re wrong or right. Most people would call it ” Things we like to do”. For example, I am a shopaholic, I am an impulsive- obsessive shopper. If I see it, I must have it, if I don’t purchase it, it weighs on my consciousness until I purchase it, knowing, I have no room and I may or may not wear. My shopping addiction is so bad that he has affected others. My family knows that if I’m upset, I need retail therapy, and everyone is going to do their best to make sure I make a trip to a store. Now for me it’s a coping mechanism, but to my family it’s easier for them to agree, then disagree and it’s a little less stressful environment for them, but they deal. For Me, I love new things and I love to dress up but its obsessive. Well, I have come to realize that my obsession is a way of acting out in an unconscious decision if I need it. When I was young, my family was not able to purchase a lot of things or I was that child who almost never got new sneakers or new clothing, most of the time for me everything was handed down, or from a thrift store. So as a young girl, one of my missions was to grow up to purchase new clothing or and to dress up whenever I wanted. I remember playing dress up in my mom’s clothing, mixing a combination of my mom shoes and my clothes or vice versa. Who would have thought it would turn out to be a fixation of my comfort, something so small turned into something so delightful. The core of my habit was I was bullied for not having the finer things or I was seen wearing the same outfits over and over. Did I just trip on the stick when I was younger, fantasizing in the experience of overcoming what was an innocent experience turned into a situation of habit, self-doubt and obsessive behavior. The hoarding of shoes, clothes and accessories mirroring my hazed self to manifest self-actualization of this behavior. What we silently discover as youth becomes a mechanism of habit in our adulthood. Interesting, we all have tripped over some sticks.